Those who know, know

Hi, well I have had quite the interesting week. So, I have always kept my private life, private. Even in my vanilla life, I have never shared my sexual exploits, I believe that what happens in the bedroom, should stay in bedroom. That is private and intimate between me and the other person/people.

So, in my current life, I do sometimes have to explain to friends as to my whereabouts. Obviously, I am not going to give details- that I am going to a sex club, or that I am meeting people for sex and play, so I have been making up the teeny tiny white lies as to where I am going out, which is exhausting.

Mainly, I choose to say that “I am going out with a friend”. So the other day I got cornered by a friend, who asked me if I was going to dinner with the same friend who I had been to the cinema with. Now, I am a rubbish liar, and these people know me well. So, I said no, it was a different friend. Then I got the interrogation — “Oh, is this a Friend, or a FRIEND?” So I said “Well, it is a FRIEND” She then proceeded to ask me about my other FRIEND. So I caved, and explained “Okay, I have friends, and look, I just like sex, and I get to go out, and these people respect me – I am not doing anything wrong, I am being open” My friend looked at me, with surprise, I explained further – without too much detail “Okay, sometimes you have a car, but the car doesn’t do everything you want, sometimes, you want a 4×4, sometimes, you want a sports car, sometimes you want something you just feel comfortable with”

It was then, I think she got it, and she said to me “Good for you”- So, this is the closest I have been to being “outed”… and actually it felt okay, I did not panic, or feel awkward, or worried, but liberated.

The second question she asked me, did surprise me, she asked “Are you bi?”.

Now, no-one, at all in my vanilla life knows I am bi, never have I disclosed or hinted as to my sexuality. So I was shocked, and I said to her “No one has ever asked me that before. They just assume”. So, then I continued with “Let’s just say I like to double my chances”. She smiled, and said “No judgement” Which, was really rather lovely, and again, really liberating. My friend, is a lot younger than me, and I feel grateful that this generation is more liberal, and less judgemental. Back in the day, when I first realised I was bi, it was considered dirty, even for females.

So, I realise I am in a very fortunate position, that it doesn’t really matter if people find out. Am I ashamed, no I am not. I am living my life, and I am having a great time, meeting great people. Making wonderful Friends, and FRIENDS, and some of whom are both. I feel lucky.

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1 comment
  • That’s surprisingly forward of a person to corner you and ask such direct questions! Not knowing your relationship with them that strikes me as quite rude on their part. You were very brave to lean into it and boldly explain the truth.

    I suppose anyone who so brazenly injects themselves into your personal life deserves whatever shock may come from the response.