Scheduling Sin

Little Bit Emotional

So, Happy New Year, bit belated, but sometimes vanilla life has to take priority. Family first, as we say.

So New Years Eve, went really well. My friend was the perfect gentleman, and got on so well with my friends, that we did a little swap on the bed in the big play room. We were altogether at the strike of midnight, and all exchanged kisses and more! Which was fun! But not before I took him for a very detailed tour of the club, which may have involved finding a private room for a bit of ‘us’ time. Which was, much needed, time to reconnect. We had a beautiful talk about our feelings which we have for each other and found we were very much on the same page. Which was lovely.

We may have done a couple of extra tours of the club, just to check out the different rooms!

We then ended up in the hot tub, which got pretty busy, so I had to end up sitting on his lap, with lots of cuddling and kissing.

So, it was a great way to start the New Year. I think we ended up getting to sleep around 3am. Both completely sober, tired, but happy.

New Years Day, lovely to wake up to cuddles and a cup of tea. We made our weary way to our respective homes.

So, 2nd January, comes a bit of a crash.

What they don’t tell you about swinging so much, is the emotional side. When you end up loving someone, not as in ‘in love’ full blow committed relationship. But having feelings for that person, especially when you didn’t expect to, and suddenly you feel very vulnerable, and scared.

You don’t expect to have feelings in swinging or care for people, or love them, but you do. Sometimes it can be very difficult, as the reason why we are in this lifestyle is because we know we do not want a ‘traditional’ relationship. Instead, you end up with people you love and care for, and would do anything for. You trust them, you love spending time with them. Not necessarily swing time, but vanilla time too. But it seriously messed with my head, as I am a very loyal person, and I struggled with this —- a lot.

You can also suffer from post play drop, where the next day you just feel very sad, I can’t explain why, but it does happen to people. Maybe it is like an adrenaline drop, where you have been so excited, on a high, and then the event is over, your hormone levels drop… I don’t know. But the 2nd of January, I found myself in tears and wondering if this lifestyle is for me. Do I get too attached to people, am I going to get hurt, will I lose my friends, will I hurt my friends, what about the chat groups I am in, and the club I go to – my safe places… All of these questions.

But then I look at what I have gained, the friends, the community, the random conversations we have about in the chats, about cars, and mobile homes, etc. And I don’t want to lose that. I had some very good chats, and gave myself a good talking to.

So the 3rd January, I straightened my crown, and sorted myself out, and got back on track. I have booked my first solo holiday…. yikes.

So the 3rd January, I straightened my crown, and sorted myself out, and got back on track.

It doesn’t mean I won’t wobble again, it’s hard to separate the emotions because, if you’re like me, you love these people, and that is just who I am.

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2 comments
  • Absolutely 💯 true this happens I feel to all of us even in couples because we are human and our feelings for other humans can be so intertwined to a degree that it matches what those in the vanilla world would consider normal feelings. So don’t stress it too much because you are just a catering and loving human enjoying something so special within the Lifestyle that others outside don’t have 😉😘

  • This is such a fantastic post because it’s so vulnerable and real. We always like to chatter about how sexy the lifestyle is but the reality is there are some challenging moments; eventually you start to learn that’s part of what makes it amazing. We all evolve and check, evolve and check. Those boundaries are constantly being nudged outward as we learn more about ourselves. Thank you for sharing this, GG.